*WHY CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES ARE FAILING: THE TRUTH ABOUT PENTECOSTAL/BORN AGAIN RELATIONSHIPS*
Christianity is meant to be the foundation for morality, love, and unity. Marriage, as ordained by God, is supposed to reflect a covenant between two individuals under His guidance, promoting trust, patience, and mutual growth.
Yet, despite all the spiritual resources available, Christian marriages—especially among Pentecostal and born-again Christians—are failing at alarming rates.
These unions, which should model holiness and commitment, often collapse within a few years, leaving heartbreak and disillusionment in their wake.
Understanding why this happens is not about attacking believers or undermining faith; it is about confronting uncomfortable truths, acknowledging patterns, and creating awareness that can restore marriages to their intended glory. Below are seven key reasons Christian marriages are failing today, explained in depth.
1. TOO MANY FAKE PEOPLE IN PENTECOSTAL CHURCHES
One of the most glaring reasons marriages fail in Pentecostal churches is the prevalence of superficiality and pretense. While the streets are known for insincerity, many Pentecostal churches harbor individuals who carefully curate a “holy” image that conceals selfish motives, emotional immaturity, or unresolved personal issues.
People often join Pentecostal churches because of the miracles, vibrant worship, or material promises rather than a genuine desire to grow spiritually. In such an environment, character flaws are masked by spiritual jargon, emotional displays, and public declarations of faith. During courtship, these masks make people appear more appealing than they truly are.
For example, a man may portray himself as patient, God-fearing, and financially stable, while hiding impulsive spending habits or a lack of commitment. A woman may project humility and submissiveness while suppressing pride or impatience. When these personas break down under the pressures of marriage—financial stress, parenting challenges, or domestic disagreements—the relationship suffers, and many couples are unprepared to reconcile these realities.
The Bible warns about the danger of superficial appearances: “For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world” (1 John 2:16). Christian couples must seek authenticity, honesty, and spiritual integrity before committing to marriage.
2. PASTORS PREACH FANTASIES, NOT CONSCIENCE
A second major factor is the kind of teaching prevalent in Pentecostal churches. Many pastors preach what people want to hear rather than confronting their congregations with hard truths. Sermons often promise wealth, perfect spouses, promotions, and miraculous solutions without addressing spiritual maturity, character development, or accountability.
The danger of this approach is that believers marry based on fantasies rather than understanding the hard realities of life and marriage. Couples may believe they are entering a romantic fairytale, expecting the honeymoon phase to last indefinitely, only to find themselves unprepared for conflicts, financial responsibilities, and domestic adjustments.
For instance, a woman may pray for a God-fearing man, only to discover that the man she marries struggles with anger management or addiction. A man may marry a “holy” woman, only to realize that she is unable to navigate disagreements constructively. Preaching fantasies builds expectations that collapse under the weight of reality.
Proverbs 27:12 reminds us, “The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.” Couples must be equipped to face reality, not just hope for miracles. Pastors should emphasize preparation, self-reflection, and mutual understanding as much as faith and prayer.
3. TOO MANY RULES THAT HINDER GENUINE KNOWING OF EACH OTHER
Pentecostal churches often impose strict courtship rules in the name of spiritual purity: no physical contact, minimal private conversations, limited time alone, and constant supervision by mentors or family members. While these rules are well-intentioned, they often prevent couples from truly knowing one another.
Marriage is about more than spiritual alignment; it requires understanding character, temperament, communication style, emotional intelligence, and lifestyle habits. When couples are not allowed to interact authentically before marriage, they may enter a union based on assumptions rather than reality.
For example, a man may assume a woman is patient and forgiving because she behaves well in church, only to discover in marriage that she has a short temper or struggles with criticism. A woman may believe a man is responsible and mature because he attends Bible studies, only to find that he handles stress poorly or avoids accountability in domestic life.
True preparation for marriage involves honest conversations, shared experiences, and the ability to navigate disagreements before making a lifelong commitment. Ecclesiastes 7:8 says, “Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.” Couples need patience, observation, and depth in courtship—not just rules that protect appearances.
4. ILLUSIONS OF COMPATIBILITY
Many Christians marry believing they are perfectly compatible because they share the same church, values, and spiritual goals. While spiritual alignment is important, it is not a guarantee of compatibility in practical, day-to-day life. Courtship often reveals surface harmony, but it rarely exposes how partners handle stress, decision-making, conflict, or parenting.
Consider this common scenario: a couple shares worship experiences, prays together, and attends church events, assuming this proves compatibility. After marriage, financial pressure, household responsibilities, or family interference may reveal mismatched priorities, communication styles, or emotional triggers. The very traits they overlooked during courtship become sources of tension.
Romans 12:2 encourages believers not to conform to superficial expectations but to be transformed by renewing the mind. In marriage, couples must understand the whole person—the strengths, weaknesses, habits, and emotional patterns—rather than idealized versions of one another.
5. PEOPLE CHANGE AFTER MARRIAGE
A harsh truth about marriage is that the person you court is rarely the person you marry. During dating or engagement, individuals often display their best traits and suppress weaknesses. Once married, stress, responsibilities, and routine life reveal character traits that were previously hidden.
Many couples are unprepared for this natural evolution. They assume the person they married will remain unchanged, and when challenges emerge, they feel betrayed or disappointed. Arguments about finances, parenting, or household responsibilities often expose differences in maturity, values, and problem-solving skills.
1 Corinthians 13:4–5 reminds us that love is patient and kind, does not envy or boast, and is not easily angered. Marriage requires recognizing that growth is a process, not an immediate reflection of courtship. Couples who expect perfection are setting themselves up for failure.
6. LACK OF EMOTIONAL MATURITY AND COMMUNICATION SKILLS
Pentecostal churches often focus on spiritual gifts, miracles, and outward expressions of faith but rarely teach practical skills for emotional intelligence, conflict resolution, and healthy communication. Couples who lack these skills struggle when disagreements arise.
For instance, a disagreement over finances may escalate because neither partner knows how to listen, compromise, or express needs constructively. Misunderstandings become resentment, and resentment turns into emotional distance. Many marriages fail not because of lack of love, but because couples lack the tools to navigate normal challenges.
Ephesians 4:2–3 urges believers to “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Emotional maturity, patience, and effective communication are essential for maintaining unity in marriage.
7. MISPLACED PRIORITIES AND MATERIAL EXPECTATIONS
A final factor in the failure of Pentecostal marriages is the focus on external success rather than internal unity. Many believers pursue marriage with priorities skewed toward wealth, status, appearances, or social validation. Couples may marry based on material security or church prestige rather than emotional, spiritual, and practical compatibility.
When reality fails to meet expectations—bills pile up, career ambitions falter, or family pressures increase—marriages suffer. Disillusionment replaces joy, and instead of problem-solving together, couples blame each other.
Matthew 6:33 reminds us to “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Focusing on material or external appearances rather than spiritual alignment, mutual respect, and shared vision for life undermines the foundation of marriage.
CONCLUSION: A CALL TO REALITY
Christian marriages, particularly in Pentecostal and born-again circles, are failing because of unrealistic expectations, superficial spirituality, insufficient preparation, and lack of emotional maturity. The solution is not abandoning faith but confronting these truths head-on. Couples must:
• Prioritize authenticity, integrity, and character above appearances.
• Teach practical wisdom, accountability, and emotional intelligence alongside spiritual growth.
• Encourage courtship that allows couples to truly know each other.
• Prepare for change, growth, and the reality that marriage reveals hidden strengths and weaknesses.
• Focus on building relationships on communication, patience, and shared values rather than fantasies or materialism.
Marriage is a covenant that requires intentionality, maturity, and effort. Pentecostal Christians must face these realities if they want marriages that survive and thrive. Only by embracing honesty, spiritual wisdom, emotional preparation, and realistic expectations can couples build relationships that mirror God’s design for love, commitment, and unity.
Sam Adeoye
#TruthEmpowers